I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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