Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
