quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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