my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
