she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
