her vagina looked like bernie madoff
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
