he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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