I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
