she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
