it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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