He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
