I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
