I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
