Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
