so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
