I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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