ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
