DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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