shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
