Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
her facebook's as public as her vagina
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
