Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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