just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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