I swear she didn't look like that last week.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
