bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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