When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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