Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
