It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I cut my penus on the lid.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
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i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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