Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
