I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
