we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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