Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
