i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
