I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
