Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
