i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
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