idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
