I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
