last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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