she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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