Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I hope mine doesn't look like that
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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