smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
