I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
