I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
