Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
