Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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