I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
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