if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Randomize
