I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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