tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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