i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Randomize
