i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
