sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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