i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
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my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
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In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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