ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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