In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
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