so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize