He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
