im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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