I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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