Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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