It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
