Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Randomize
