I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
