you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Holy sore nipples Batman
i think im in europe. pls send help
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
