I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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