haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
