So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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