yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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