I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
