from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
