We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
