This is not my ceiling
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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