great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
