the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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