You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
