very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Randomize
